There are valid concerns when it comes to the airing of dirty laundry. After-all, a lot of parties maybe effect. However, sometimes, the airing of dirty laundry is about choosing between ya’ elders and ya’ kids. Which would you pick?

Whoever said, “What happens in this his house, stays in this house,” should probably stay out. Fuck hidin’ my mess for unannounced house guests. No more sweeping dirt under the carpets. I’m cleaning out my closet.

If there’s a God, bless the elders. They didn’t have access to our supplies and solutions. They can’t supply a solution. The shit they was usin’ and doin’ it ain’t workin’. And, I was partly sticking to tradition because I didn’t want to hurt them? Damn, but what about my kids? This place ain’t fit for them to live. I gotta find some extra strength and make this place childproof or I’ll hurt them more than what’s outside that door. All of this is going. Even the kitchen sink. Oh no, I’m keeping that mirror.

It reminds me that this here’s a physical manifestation of what’s going on inside me, not the nosy neighbors beside me.

What happens in this house don’t stay in this house. Finna open a window and air this bitch out. Cleaning all the dirty laundry. Even the clothes on me. You don’t have to leave. You can help me clean. This is going. That is going. That is going. No, that stays. Aye, grab the end of that table. Help me move this out the way.

Little bit to the right, yeah, no, yeah right there. Aye, do not dare touch my armchair.

I grew up in households where molestation happened. No, I wasn’t tampered with, but it definitely affected my parenting. Like the time I seen blood splatter on the living room wall, then being conditioned to lie about a coffee table being the cause. And the time they got fed up because I wet the bed so much, forced me to use last night’s pissy clothes as the next night’s pillow.

And the time I broke my collarbone, by the time I made it to the hospital, it had already healed. But this is not tea spilled. Look, I’m cleaning up in here, determined not to make a mess, so my kids will have a less traumatic childhood experience. But there’s no way I can clean this place well enough for my kids. No matter how hard I scrub, they’re going to get dirty a little bit. Trying my best not to be synonymous with trauma when it comes to them, but we’re hardwired to remember the hard times for our survival.

So me playing that villain role to my kids is inevitable. If that’s needed to grow, my permission is given.

What happens in this house don’t stay in this house. Finna open a window and air this bitch out. Cleaning all the dirty laundry. Even the clothes on me. You don’t have to leave now. You can help me clean house. This is going. That is going. That is going. No, that stays. Aye, grab the end of that table. Help me move this out the way.

Little bit to the right, yeah, no, yeah right there. Aye, do not dare touch my armchair.

No, no, no doctrine. Yep, yep, ya got me. Caught me using people around me to fulfill my counseling needs. Found some things wrong upstairs. Had to learn repair. Where do you think I do that? In that armchair. Don’t touch it or my books. They keep me balanced. Disorder lead to this hoarder. Can’t toss it all out when I have so much baggage, may take years to unpack it.

Little bit to the right, yeah, no, yeah right there. Aye, do not dare touch my armchair.

No, no, no doctrine. Yep, yep, ya got me. Caught me using people around me to fulfill my counseling needs. Found some things wrong upstairs. Had to learn repair. Where do you think I do that? In that armchair. Don’t touch it or my books. They keep me balanced. Disorder lead to this hoarder. Can’t toss it all out when I have so much baggage, may take years to unpack it. Thanks for the help, you’ve been exceptional, but we gon’ need some professionals.

Thanks for the help, you’ve been exceptional, but we gon’ need some professionals.